After a few very demanding weeks in Lebanon, I feel it is time for me to write so as to not become crazy inside. I have to announce that my relationship with Marin is now over. Our commitment has ended after more than 6 years of relationship. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to chose me or not and, after a long struggle, I couldn’t partner anymore with his indecisions. I had to say that it was better for us to break-up, breaking my heart at the same time, because it was the last thing I wanted to do in the world. I guess he agreed with this decision cause he didn’t fight back for me.

However God met me in this moment where my being was falling apart and I would like to share with you some of the revelations He gave to me. They are about… love.

 

First, I would like to stress out something important that I have at heart since a long time, which is that as Christian we can’t allow ourselves to live in power without identity and character. And inversely, with character and without power. 

Indeed, God has been working on my character -with a lot of intensity- and it led me to understand one thing, that character is equally important as power. We can’t have one without the other if we want to follow Christ. Here is what make me say that: «A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruits, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to me «Lord, Lord», will enter the kingdom go heaven, but the one who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day, many will say to me, «Lord, Lord, did we not prophecy in your name, and cast out demons in your name and do many mighty works in your name? And then I will declare to them, «I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock». (Matthew 7:18-25)

Power is leading to perdition without the fruits of the Spirit, which are (Galatians 5:22-23): «But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine LOVE in all its various expressions. This love is revealed through:

-  Joy that overflows

-  Peace that subdues

-  Patience that endures

-  Kindness in action

-  Goodness

-  Faithfulness (faith that prevails)

-  Gentleness of heart

-  Strength of spirit, self-control (allows us to stay focused on what we have said yes to and ignore the need to check every possibility)»

Those are not meant to be abstract virtues but they are meant to be limitless and made visible with actions. So to run the long race, we can no longer be tossed by the wind but we have to be anchored in our faith to manifest Christ in every situation of our lives. It is not accessory, nor secondary. Those have to be poured out of us constantly, otherwise our words are and mean nothing. 

Colossians 3:12-14 insist on it again: «You are always and dearly loved by God! So put on the garment of the virtues of God [mercy, compassion, humility, forgiveness,…], since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. […] For love is supreme and must flow through each of these virtues. Love becomes the mark of true maturity/perfection».

And inversely, Ephesians 3:16 says: «Then by constantly using your faith, the life of Christ will be released deep inside you, and the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life, providing you with a secure foundation that grows and grows». It shows me that I can’t allow myself to not exercice my faith. Obeying Him, taking risks empowers me to become like Him, to bring heaven on earth. Moreover, the Gospel without power is not good news. 

We should be people of purity, character an power, living the Gospel through teachability, hunger, passion and authenticity. 

So He is in this world, so are we. He is power and sacrificial love.

 

Our life can be fruitful only when we live in fellowship with Jesus (a fellow: a person belonging to the same rank or class, equal, peer, one of a pair, mate, match). And going through the loss of the closest person to my heart, I have discovered the fellowship of the sufferings of Christ. Indeed, the man I loved refused suddenly to give me his love back and I felt completely abandoned, but then I remembered what our Lord went through. He was despised, betrayed, beaten and put to death because of His love for us. 

So where can we find Jesus? Where can we be sure to find Him always? Jesus abides still in those places where He was to be found when on the earth. These places are still the same. They are the places of humiliation and abasement, of surrendering, sacrificing and suffering. «Where I am, there shall My Servant be also» (John 12:26).

«I will be one with him in his sufferings and I will be one with him in his death. Only then will I be able to experience complete oneness with him in his resurrection from the realm of death» (Philippians 3:10-11).

It was a precious moment when I began to understand his past and present sufferings because this is where I felt He took mine in himself, feeling through it together. All I wanted then was to dedicate everything to him, even if it meant to give up fighting for my relationship with Marin and trust that He is in control, because «In the dedication of your will and your desires there is sacrifice, and the more you sacrifice for Jesus, the more closely you are joined to Him. […] for love grows stronger in unity» (Basilea Schlink).

 

An other thing I experienced about my pain is that nobody could do anything about it or say a word that would eased it. At times, I would feel completely alone in my incomprehension and despair as there was nobody able to understand what I was going through, having lost the person that knew me in the most intimate ways. This is when I realized that nor your parents or your friends or even the wisest man on earth can save you from the experience of suffering because the world has no answer for it. The Cross is the only answer. Jesus is the only one that bears my loss, the only one that turns the bitter into sweet. So in the night, when I was overwhelmed by tears, He would whisper to me: Am I not enough for you?

Jesus, the Bridegroom, encourages the soul that loves Him:

Endure!

Keep fighting!

Look towards the goal - you will get your reward!

Am I not enough for you?
Will you not suffer with me?
Look at Me, and your trials will be bearable!
I am really here! Oh, believe Me!

The bride of Jesus answers:

Yes, You are here. That is enough for me. Amen.

                                                     Basilea Schlink

 

I realized almost immediately how this situation was pulling me closer to God. Even though I was not dependent on Marin for my relationship with Jesus, finding myself alone made me rely on God in new dimensions. I wondered then why He wants us to be united as one with someone if we are relying more on Him when we are single? And He corrected me at once telling me that our first and only call is to love sacrificially. Giving our life to someone and putting this person before us is the way we truly manifest Christ to the world, because the relationship between an man and a woman is a reflection and a powerful image of our own relationship with our Creator. Being able to love someone with steadfastness and endurance can only be the result of a surrendered life.

Remember, when we will meet our Lord face to face, He is not gonna ask us how many people we’ve brought to His kingdom but He is gonna ask: Son, daughter, have you learned to love?

So what does it really mean to love sacrificially the one we have chosen? How can we manifest it in relationships?

«Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails» (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

Love is a commitment, a covenant, a promise. Love is the opposite of satiety and contentedness. It is not a feeling but an agreement that binds two persons together, body, soul and spirit. Thereby, we can’t fall out of love. Yes feelings will come and go (and will catch up), but love is the only part that never changes cause love has never been about finding the perfect match for us. It is about becoming who God created us to be to give ourselves away. Think about it, if that was the case, Jesus would have never come to (and as) us if we had to deserve His loving Grace. It is even the contrary, to gain my love He gave away his life in utter selflessness.

So at the end of the day, love comes down to a choice. This is the most noble act one can do because choosing someone again and again and again means to give this person your life (by the way, «Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours» - C.S. Lewis).

I don’t know if there is a «One». Some say that God created a perfect soul mate for each of us before the foundation of the World, some say that we are free to choose. I’m not sure where I position myself but what I do know is that God is more concerned about it than what we think. He has more than a word to say about it and plans for our lives. Yes we are free, there is nothing truer than that. However, I don’t find my freedom in my choices but in surrendering to His will. Furthermore, we have to understand that our choices have consequences. You know, Jesus had the choice to go to the Cross. He could have said no. But instead He chose to sacrifice His life for us, because He loves us. So as Christian we have to ask ourselves one question: How can my life [my choices] bring glory to God?

 

All of this being said, how do I position myself about love now? 

1. No regret: I loved every part of my relationship with Marin, the beautiful and the hard times. Indeed, I realize he has been the most beautiful gift from God for my life till today. We always brought each other close to God, and I’m grateful for it. I am also so happy I gave him my heart and was ready to give up everything for him by saying «yes», even if it ended in a heartbreak, cause this relationship forged me and I can say that I really love the woman that I am. Remember, love is a gift and a relationship will be shaken and tested. It is work but it is always worth it. So I’m more convinced than ever that covenant relationship are the best investment one can make. And when you will ask yourself in difficult times «why in the world you have decided to sacrifice your life for someone else», make yours the fact that it is part of how you become effectively Christ-like, this is our DNA.

2. Simplicity: If a relationship is a lot of work, still keep it simple. Indeed, despite all the trials and efforts and perseverance a relationship requires, all I wanted was to wake up next to Marin every morning and make life with him. So love is simple, love is pure. Just give your whole heart and your whole soul. «The bride of Jesus knows that she can only bring the kingdom of God to others if she ceases to bar the way with a sense of her own importance. […] and so she does not have to rely upon herself. She need not calculate her talents, abilities and personality. She does not need to consider what is available and what is possible. She has only to reckon with Him, with the power of His love» (Basilea Schlink).

3. Promises of God: The night we broke up, God encountered me powerfully and gave me promises for my life and my future. One of His promises was that He has a man for me that will be ready to give everything that he has to have me. Someone that will pursue me, love me, cherish me and see all the beauty in me. I hold on to that cause I’m so excited to be able to become one with a man. Moreover, He alone is my Bridegroom, my King and my Judge. 

4. Singleness: For the first time in my life, I realize that God can fulfill all my needs if I allow Him to. I couldn’t know it cause I didn’t even know what was life without Marin. I was with him since I was 15 years old, so my needs for intimacy and value and love and appartenance have always been met by him to some degree. But now that I am alone, I painfully and beautifully discover how Jesus only can satisfy me completely. So I’m grateful for this experience of singleness cause I would never want to use someone for my own needs. Indeed, you don’t wan’t to be a vacuum that goes from relationship to relationship sucking the other person dry. So one way you know you are whole is when you are ok about being just you and God, good by yourself. And if you know Him intimately, you will never be lonely. «Jesus love is incomparable. Jesus’ love is so rich that it can fulfill all [your] longings for love. Jesus’ love is a perfect love. It lacks neither fire nor gentleness, neither strength nor tenderness, neither holiness nor intimate affection. Jesus’ love is so pure that He can never disappoint anyone, let alone His bride [you]» (Basilea Schlink). 

5. Take care of your heart and the one of others: We have to be really careful with the heart of people because they are so valuable and, I can tell you, having a broken heart is the most painful experience I have ever been through. I loved him so so much and now I have to let go and mourn him but also everything that goes with a relationship (desires, plans, his family,…). So please take responsibility over people’s heart, don’t treat it like it is nothing. Know that when you are in a relationship, you have somebody’s heart in your hand and God is watching.

6. A light to the world: Let us, followers of Christ, show the world what love looks like. People are disappointed and hopeless, so let’s not confort them in their thoughts. Let us show them the Kingdom through our relationships (with purity, faithfulness, honor and devotion). Because living and loving the way Jesus tells us to is the best way to introduce others to Christ. I remember when I met the girls I was going to be with during my student exchange in Lebanon, they told me that my story of still being with my first love was beautiful and gave them a little bit of hope in love, and I could share with them how God was at the source of it. But with what happened now and how the situation has been dealt with, they told me that whatever we say we believe in, it shows them that we are all and simply human. And I don’t wan’t that to happen ever again cause we are the Light of the world and it’s our job to show them what unconditional love looks like.

7. God is the Redeemer. 

 

What about us? 

What about all the times you said you had the answers? 

What about us? 

What about all the broken happy ever afters? 

What about us? 

What about all the plans that ended in disaster? 

What about love? What about trust? 

What about us? 

                                                                                                         Pink - What about us?

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